There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Randomize