I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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