i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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