im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
