I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
