I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
