Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize