I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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