I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
