i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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