fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
