we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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