She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
