I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
