so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize