you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
