I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
