U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
