A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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