I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
