Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
