PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
