you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize