Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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