Just fell off a train. Bad.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
