Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
