Can i not drive my cunt home
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
