I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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