we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
