I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize