Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
it glows. i had to have it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
