Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
