He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
