Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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