Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
