I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
