stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
