also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
