Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
