she woke up with a sticky ear
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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