I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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