Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
