At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
