After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
