Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
