Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
