If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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