I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
