toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
