mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
