The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize