I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
