never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
