Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I need water and some morals
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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