I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
