he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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