I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
