just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
