Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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