What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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