I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
