k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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