At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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