i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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