Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
