I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
