Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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