Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
