if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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