Duck Duck Cougar?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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