I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I have already put on my inside pants.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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