I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
