I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize