Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
