i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
