You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
